Living with OCD entry #5

Dear OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder),

It was never easy living with you. You entered at every phase and every moment of my life. You are like a companion. But you give a lot of trouble. Sometimes I think that it is my fault that I have let you grow and nourish inside my head. I watered you like you were some kind of plant in my brain. And when I tried to stop it was  too late. You were grown up by then and it was difficult to suppress you. I can control you sometimes but in tough situations I panic and you take control over me. Maybe if I don’t panic , I will have some control but my brain kinda stop working. It becomes almost impossible to stop you then.

I can’t take medicine because of the fear of getting addicted. I will try therapy and see what happens.

P.S. I beg you to leave me alone.

Yours,

Bariyah

 

Living with OCD: entry #3

This week people all over the world people are celebrating OCD awareness week. It is good for people who suffer from it. At least some one is raising voice for them. People who suffer from OCD face two challenges in their life:
1. The constant battle in their brain
2. Telling people it is a serious disease, it is NOT A JOKE.

I Think people still don’t get it. Maybe it is because it is such a complex disability that even  suffer take years to fully understand it. It is okay if you don’t get it but please stop making fun or jokes about it. “I am so OCD”, is not a beautiful personality trait. I don’t know why people enjoy saying it.
I don’t know how to raise awareness about a diease let alone a disease nobody cares to understand it. I am writing about OCD. I am following hash tag # OCDawarenessweek. This is all I am doing.
I fight OCD everyday and most of the time I am winning. But I know there will be people out there who let OCD decide their lives. They need help therapy and motivation. Someday I hope to help them. It hurts so much to see them in pain and anguish that I even forget my own pain.

All the bloggers out there please help me in doing something about it. #OCDawarenessweek

 

Living with OCD: entry #2

I perceive OCD as a huge monster inside my brain. This monster has claws with huge nails and it uses them to kill positive thoughts, leaving behind nothing but black, gray patches of negativity. I have been living with OCD since I was eight. My thoughts were clouded. I felt no inner peace. I started questioning my faith, my beliefs. Faith is supposed to give you peace and I had none.
Peace was like an alien in a spaceship. I always thought that someday my peace alien would land on my planet and I will be a normal person.
I was never a normal human being. By normal I mean what our society perceives as normal. I was callow, stupid little girl in their sights. But I never cared what they thought. I thought myself different from others. I loved being unique.
I never knew I had OCD till two months ago. I have lived 12 years of my life with this monster and hadn’t had the slightest notion about it. Honestly, it was horrifying when I first found about it but then afterward it wasn’t that bad. At least everything made sense. I used to blame myself for my stupid thoughts. Now I have stopped doing it and it has given me immense satisfaction. It is like a lightening of burden which has been on my shoulder for so many years. I am trying to defeat this monster and I hope that someday the dark, gray patches in my mind will be replaced by bright, sunny pictures.

 

living with ocd: entry #1

As you probably know that living with ocd is not easy. It simply can’t be easy. That is the real problems. Its like drowning in the river with no life saving jacket. But you can’t drown. You have to survive otherwise you will be engulfed by the mocking stares, black darkness and many other horrible things. Most people don’t accept ocd as a real disease and they think that a person with ocd is mental and belongs in asylum. It hurts, it deeply hurts to be treated like this. We (people with ocd) are not abnormal. We deserve a normal life of great love and care. Please don’t snatch our rights.
OCD is a serious disease. Most psychologists refer it as one of the worst mental diseases. Please help me in raising awareness about ocd.