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Monthly Archives: October 2014

Living with OCD: entry #4

For the past few days I am so happy that I even forget about my OCD. When I am happy OCD doesn’t control me. That is crazy isn’t it? Maybe OCD and depression have some kind of link. Scientists should try to find it. If they find that happiness is the key in overcoming OCD, then that would be a major development in the field of mental health.

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     I am a cricket lover so I tend to be a little superstitious. No surprises there  because all sports lover are superstitious. Most of the time while watching matches my superstitions change into obsessions which I have to do (compulsions). If I refuse to do it (OCD things) then my mind would be totally plagued with the fear of losing the match.

So there is also a link between superstitions and obsessions. From these two small discoveries I infer that OCD is a dynamic disease. Environmental factors affect it in many ways.

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Posted by on October 28, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Living with depression: entry # 1

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 Depression is a state where a person feels low and lethargic all the time. I have spend my whole life with depression. I was emotionally abused all the time and I let the depression take over me. I never really understood the meaning of depression until few days ago although I am suffering from it for years.

I depressed state I feel like it is the end of the  world, all hope gone, the silver lining vanishes behind the clouds and noting will ever be the same.  I hate this phase of depression. One minute you are happy and the next second you remember something bad and duh, this is the end.

In depression there are good and bad days. In good days, you feel better because you are seeing a tiny piece of hope . The bad days are simply intolerable. You don’t understand what is really happening with you. You feel angry all the time. For me this state is a killer. It kills me and in return I want to kill people who are responsible for my depression. Sometimes the impulse to kill is so great that I become scared of my on self. I know killing is wrong and I would never do that but my brain doesn’t  understand that.

To be continued.

 
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Posted by on October 28, 2014 in depression, journal writing

 

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Living with OCD: entry #3

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This week people all over the world people are celebrating OCD awareness week. It is good for people who suffer from it. At least some one is raising voice for them. People who suffer from OCD face two challenges in their life:
1. The constant battle in their brain
2. Telling people it is a serious disease, it is NOT A JOKE.

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I Think people still don’t get it. Maybe it is because it is such a complex disability that even  suffer take years to fully understand it. It is okay if you don’t get it but please stop making fun or jokes about it. “I am so OCD”, is not a beautiful personality trait. I don’t know why people enjoy saying it.
I don’t know how to raise awareness about a diease let alone a disease nobody cares to understand it. I am writing about OCD. I am following hash tag # OCDawarenessweek. This is all I am doing.
I fight OCD everyday and most of the time I am winning. But I know there will be people out there who let OCD decide their lives. They need help therapy and motivation. Someday I hope to help them. It hurts so much to see them in pain and anguish that I even forget my own pain.

All the bloggers out there please help me in doing something about it. #OCDawarenessweek

 
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Posted by on October 18, 2014 in journal writing, ocd

 

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OCD Awareness Week 2014 – Update

 
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Posted by on October 16, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Mind Fever

diary of an ocd

Eyes-on-Fire

I asked myself today which word I would use to describe OCD. For me, I think the word “fire” sums it up pretty nicely.

 Why fire? I don’t actually know.

 Perhaps it’s because fire is red and red is danger and red is blood and blood is HIV?

 Or, perhaps because water destroys fire and I seem to spend much of my life seeking water to douse myself in? I generally associate water with an impending calm that will happen for a few moments once I’ve scrubbed my skin clean. Maybe that is why I find the ocean to be so peaceful. There is something about being able to float on water, being able to say, ‘Here you go, sea, take me! Hold me for a while as I snooze under sunshine! Relax my body and cool down my brain a little minute, I want to float away from the…

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Posted by on October 16, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Living with OCD: entry #2

Diagnosis-OCD-Treatment

I perceive OCD as a huge monster inside my brain. This monster has claws with huge nails and it uses them to kill positive thoughts, leaving behind nothing but black, gray patches of negativity. I have been living with OCD since I was eight. My thoughts were clouded. I felt no inner peace. I started questioning my faith, my beliefs. Faith is supposed to give you peace and I had none.
Peace was like an alien in a spaceship. I always thought that someday my peace alien would land on my planet and I will be a normal person.
I was never a normal human being. By normal I mean what our society perceives as normal. I was callow, stupid little girl in their sights. But I never cared what they thought. I thought myself different from others. I loved being unique.
I never knew I had OCD till two months ago. I have lived 12 years of my life with this monster and hadn’t had the slightest notion about it. Honestly, it was horrifying when I first found about it but then afterward it wasn’t that bad. At least everything made sense. I used to blame myself for my stupid thoughts. Now I have stopped doing it and it has given me immense satisfaction. It is like a lightening of burden which has been on my shoulder for so many years. I am trying to defeat this monster and I hope that someday the dark, gray patches in my mind will be replaced by bright, sunny pictures.

 
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Posted by on October 9, 2014 in journal writing, ocd

 

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Gone Girl Reflections

Grief Happens

****SPOILER ALERT**** I will be discussing the just released movie Gone Girl, based on the bestseller with the same name by Gillian Flynn. I’m not planning to drop any major plot giveaways, but what I write will give you some ideas about the movie, so if you prefer to go into a film with a blank slate, don’t read this. Consider yourself warned.

I read this 400 page book over a weekend about a year ago — could not put it down. I saw the movie this past Saturday featuring Ben Affleck and relative new-name Rosamund Pike as main characters Nick and Amy Dunne. Other big names featured include Tyler Perry, Neil Patrick Harris and Sela Ward.

After reading the book, I was not expecting to love the movie as much as I did — they’re never as enjoyable for me. This movie was everything and more that I could…

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Posted by on October 8, 2014 in Uncategorized

 
 
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