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Living with OCD: entry #2

09 Oct

Diagnosis-OCD-Treatment

I perceive OCD as a huge monster inside my brain. This monster has claws with huge nails and it uses them to kill positive thoughts, leaving behind nothing but black, gray patches of negativity. I have been living with OCD since I was eight. My thoughts were clouded. I felt no inner peace. I started questioning my faith, my beliefs. Faith is supposed to give you peace and I had none.
Peace was like an alien in a spaceship. I always thought that someday my peace alien would land on my planet and I will be a normal person.
I was never a normal human being. By normal I mean what our society perceives as normal. I was callow, stupid little girl in their sights. But I never cared what they thought. I thought myself different from others. I loved being unique.
I never knew I had OCD till two months ago. I have lived 12 years of my life with this monster and hadn’t had the slightest notion about it. Honestly, it was horrifying when I first found about it but then afterward it wasn’t that bad. At least everything made sense. I used to blame myself for my stupid thoughts. Now I have stopped doing it and it has given me immense satisfaction. It is like a lightening of burden which has been on my shoulder for so many years. I am trying to defeat this monster and I hope that someday the dark, gray patches in my mind will be replaced by bright, sunny pictures.

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5 Comments

Posted by on October 9, 2014 in journal writing, ocd

 

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5 responses to “Living with OCD: entry #2

  1. Tokoni O. Uti

    October 9, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Wow. So sorry. In the part of the world where I live, mental illness is rarely discussed and little support is given to those with mental health issues. Be strong!

    Liked by 1 person

     
  2. bariyah25

    October 10, 2014 at 6:51 am

    Reblogged this on Poems, articles and letters and commented:
    This is my 3rd post in goins writing challenge. Please people help me in raising awareness about OCD.

    Like

     

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