I have not written on this blog for a little while. Well, I was much happier, anxious but happy for the past few days. I felt depressed at times but that stage passed too quickly. This is not an of excuse for not writing. I am still creating a habit of writing daily.
Coming to the main point, depression is an fear, fear of something unknown. It can grab you in the midst of a happy moment. When I am happy, I suddenly feel something tightening inside me, like a loose knot tightening itself. I know I panic A LOT but this is not panic. Why would I panic when I am happy? It is so absurd. It is, but at the same time it is frightening too. The very thought of depression makes me scared.
I can control it. I know when it starts gripping me and I can stop it from making me feel crappy but certainly there are days when I am helpless. It is not easy. None of it is easy. It is a killer. You can slow the process but ultimately it can kill you…. And I am still waiting for the knot to loosen….Waiting….