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Living with OCD entry #4

Dear Diary,

I am doing great for the past few days after the happy news of my admission. I topped the merit list. The depression hasn’t stuck me and I am quite relieved. But my OCD is still here. I think it won’t go away until I do the complete therapy.

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I can’t wear my “bad luck clothes”. They are the clothes that I was wearing when I heard some bad news. My OCD mind keeps telling me that if I wear them something bad will happen or worse, someone will die. This horrifies me. There is a pink sweater of me that I like very much but can’t wear because of this bad luck thing. Well, I can sacrifice my clothes if it prevents someone from dying. I know that sounds absurd but this is OCD. And this is the reason OCD is in one of the top ten disabling diseases.

That’s it for today, diary. I will see you later.

Yours truly,

Bariyah

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3 Comments

Posted by on January 7, 2015 in living with OCD

 

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Living with depression: entry # 1

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 Depression is a state where a person feels low and lethargic all the time. I have spend my whole life with depression. I was emotionally abused all the time and I let the depression take over me. I never really understood the meaning of depression until few days ago although I am suffering from it for years.

I depressed state I feel like it is the end of the  world, all hope gone, the silver lining vanishes behind the clouds and noting will ever be the same.  I hate this phase of depression. One minute you are happy and the next second you remember something bad and duh, this is the end.

In depression there are good and bad days. In good days, you feel better because you are seeing a tiny piece of hope . The bad days are simply intolerable. You don’t understand what is really happening with you. You feel angry all the time. For me this state is a killer. It kills me and in return I want to kill people who are responsible for my depression. Sometimes the impulse to kill is so great that I become scared of my on self. I know killing is wrong and I would never do that but my brain doesn’t  understand that.

To be continued.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on October 28, 2014 in depression, journal writing

 

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