I asked myself today which word I would use to describe OCD. For me, I think the word “fire” sums it up pretty nicely.
Why fire? I don’t actually know.
Perhaps it’s because fire is red and red is danger and red is blood and blood is HIV?
Or, perhaps because water destroys fire and I seem to spend much of my life seeking water to douse myself in? I generally associate water with an impending calm that will happen for a few moments once I’ve scrubbed my skin clean. Maybe that is why I find the ocean to be so peaceful. There is something about being able to float on water, being able to say, ‘Here you go, sea, take me! Hold me for a while as I snooze under sunshine! Relax my body and cool down my brain a little minute, I want to float away from the…
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I perceive OCD as a huge monster inside my brain. This monster has claws with huge nails and it uses them to kill positive thoughts, leaving behind nothing but black, gray patches of negativity. I have been living with OCD since I was eight. My thoughts were clouded. I felt no inner peace. I started questioning my faith, my beliefs. Faith is supposed to give you peace and I had none.
Peace was like an alien in a spaceship. I always thought that someday my peace alien would land on my planet and I will be a normal person.
I was never a normal human being. By normal I mean what our society perceives as normal. I was callow, stupid little girl in their sights. But I never cared what they thought. I thought myself different from others. I loved being unique.
I never knew I had OCD till two months ago. I have lived 12 years of my life with this monster and hadn’t had the slightest notion about it. Honestly, it was horrifying when I first found about it but then afterward it wasn’t that bad. At least everything made sense. I used to blame myself for my stupid thoughts. Now I have stopped doing it and it has given me immense satisfaction. It is like a lightening of burden which has been on my shoulder for so many years. I am trying to defeat this monster and I hope that someday the dark, gray patches in my mind will be replaced by bright, sunny pictures.
****SPOILER ALERT**** I will be discussing the just released movie Gone Girl, based on the bestseller with the same name by Gillian Flynn. I’m not planning to drop any major plot giveaways, but what I write will give you some ideas about the movie, so if you prefer to go into a film with a blank slate, don’t read this. Consider yourself warned.
I read this 400 page book over a weekend about a year ago — could not put it down. I saw the movie this past Saturday featuring Ben Affleck and relative new-name Rosamund Pike as main characters Nick and Amy Dunne. Other big names featured include Tyler Perry, Neil Patrick Harris and Sela Ward.
After reading the book, I was not expecting to love the movie as much as I did — they’re never as enjoyable for me. This movie was everything and more that I could…
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I remember the moment I learned I had a Mental Illness. Sitting midway back in an auditorium full of colleauges, arms resting on my pregnant belly, there was a moment when the floor fell away. A moment when my ears buzzed, my peripheral vision became black, and there was nothing in the room except me and the man up the front. At the podium stood a renowned psychiatrist, and my heart pounded, as the story he was telling was my story. The anecdotes he was sharing were my lived experiences. I had never met him; I had never voiced those words to anyone, barely even to myself – and there he was, speaking…
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As you probably know that living with ocd is not easy. It simply can’t be easy. That is the real problems. Its like drowning in the river with no life saving jacket. But you can’t drown. You have to survive otherwise you will be engulfed by the mocking stares, black darkness and many other horrible things. Most people don’t accept ocd as a real disease and they think that a person with ocd is mental and belongs in asylum. It hurts, it deeply hurts to be treated like this. We (people with ocd) are not abnormal. We deserve a normal life of great love and care. Please don’t snatch our rights.
OCD is a serious disease. Most psychologists refer it as one of the worst mental diseases. Please help me in raising awareness about ocd.
I will live my life like I want
No hurdles, no more cries
I shall break all the chains that bind me
I will break all the ties that killed me
And yes I will fly
Like a free soul roaming around
I will win,
No matter how hard it seems
I will transform my dreams into reality
I will be the first one to ignite the flame
And the last to spread the light.